The Carlinist Party was founded on a single unshakable conviction, which we will now shake. Every party that has ever asked for your allegiance has offered, in exchange, a story about the future. We offer no such story. We find the future is best left unpromised, on the grounds that it keeps arriving anyway, entirely without our help.

We are not the left. We are not the right. We are the small, alert feeling you get in the back of your neck when someone in a good suit says the word "obviously." We organize that feeling. We do not lead it — leading it would require us to know where it's going, and we have made a policy of not.

What we ask of a Carlinist is nothing you weren't already doing in private: doubt the pitch, read the receipt, notice who benefits, and reserve the right to change your mind out loud. That's the whole platform. Everything below is commentary, and should be treated accordingly — that is, skeptically, including by us.

If any of this moves you, be careful. Being moved is exactly the condition under which people sign things.